Ok, finally got around to changing the introduction text. But as you can see, I'm too sianz to write a proper one, so am going to blabber on in hopes that you will get an idea of what sort of person I am by guessing. Yeah, the format of this blog is crap. I haven't got around to fixing it. Later lah.. Much later...
It seems as if 90% of my blog posts nowadays are being saved as drafts. Maybe I just don't want anybody to know about my life anymore. Maybe I'd just prefer not to bare myself anymore.
People say I don't open up. But it feels as if more and more, when I do try, that I'm just making up parts and personas on display. And I look at this 'Kei', and think... who is this?
That feels like a disembodied stranger. And I don't like these persons that I create, because I tire of maintaining them.
So I'm tired.
ME signed off at 12:52 PM
Saturday, July 24, 2010
128th entry
When people ask me why I'm still single, or why I don't go with this or that guy... I say I don't know. But,
maybe I'm too much of a romantic, and too little of a realist, but I want to be with a guy who gives me butterflies in the stomach. I want to be with a person who makes me feel safe in his hugs and sad when he's gone. I want to be that girl who does a silent inner leap of joy when she gets to see the guy she likes.
If I wanted to be corny, I'd probably say, I want to be the girl in the MTV.
But jokes and ridicule aside, I don't want to be the girl who doesn't feel anything and isn't really affected either way whether her partner is around or not. I don't want to choose a person because he marks a 10 in all the criteria of good boyfriend material.
A guy asked me once,
"would you have considered (me)?"
And I replied,
"if I had to consider, there'd be no point."
I've wondered before.. should I have at least tried with guys who would have probably given me security in long term happiness? And then I'll ask myself, do I really care either way? And when I come to the answer "No", I come to the inevitable conclusion,
"then what's the point?"
ME signed off at 2:36 AM
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
127th entry
It's very juvenile, but when people tell me things, I take it as a validation of my status. And when they don't want to, I get affected because I take it as a negative validation of my status.
